The Woman I am Fighting to Become Part 1

My problem with Hashtag goals is that the product is highlighted independent of the resources. We marvel at the cake but don’t see the milk, butter, eggs. Perhaps that is too cynical. The age of social media pushes the esthetic at all costs. A beautiful woman in a bikini is hashtag goals. What is the goal? The woman? Her makeup, body, bikini? The location? A prized destination that is popular for travel? The lifestyle that is projected? One of leisure and luxury? Maybe that is where I hesitate. The incessant need to identify something as goals seems disgenuine. How many goals can we truly have at one time? In Paulo Coelho’s “The Alchemist”, he describes a personal legend. I wrote a blog post on this when I was studying abroad in Dubai with the school of business at University of Maryland. I was in the midst of applying to dental school and dreaming of becoming a tooth fairy and pondered on the woman I was fighting to become.

At the time, everything I was doing was “to become a happily married dentist” as I shared when I introduced myself at my sorority’s rush back in 2010. I pursued leadership, volunteer opportunities, sought after mentors, read books, prayed, all in pursuit of this personal legend. I fought to become The Tooth Fairy. This was my goal. The woman I wanted to be got into dental school and became a dentist. #Goals

Now I find myself, a whole dentist and starting the new year in search of, dare I say, a new goal. A new personal legend! Now this notion, reader, is as terrifying as much as it is exciting. Where will I find the parchment to craft this new legend? From whom will I gather my inspiration and build my foundation? For a while, because getting into dental school was a dream for so long, years of studying, testing, learning, gave way to a vision fulfilled. Then came the admission, then came the Columbia scholarship, soon after graduation and white coat ceremony, next followed the Navy scholarship, then it was passing Anatomy and all the stress of the medical curriculum, wait now we’re in clinic, deep breath before my Perio SRP Summative competency, wait I think I’ll get a masters, yep, we’re doing this, Teacher’s College issa go, after was the IRB approval, great now the study and the thesis, a thesis? I have to deliver like 5 crowns and 7 dentures! Okay a thesis, cool that’s done, then the edits, then the presentation, oh the microagressions, (but we knew that right), Thesis done, Masters done, graduating at 25, ohhh yes Navy Officer Development School, a swim test? I can’t swim. Ok I’ll learn. Great now dive into this 12 feet pool of water from this 10 foot ladder. Wait what? But I can’t…Splash. I survived. I swam. I floated. I ran. I passed! I did excellent. Now the move. We’re starting work. New city, new job, new rank…..and so on.

I had not stopped to craft a new personal legend. I had not met my Alchemist and struggled with my angel. I fought hard to get into dental school. I fought harder to stay in. I fell, I got up, fell harder and got back up. I lost and I triumphed and walked across the stage. I climbed and I lifted. And I lifted and I lifted. A dream fulfilled.

It is 2018 and I have decided to become intentional about my personal legend. To fight for the woman I am becoming. She is #Goals.

The woman I am becoming is as healthy as she is wealthy. She climbs and lifts and lifts and climbs. She walks her dog twice a day faithfully. She calls her mom and checks on her loved ones. She never watches Game of Thrones without her boyfriend. She is loyal. She knows exactly who she is and whose she is. She knows how to do her hair (Okay this might never be me haha). She pours into others and allows others to support her. She is a leader in her community. She is an entrepreneur. I realized that I had not vocalized this in too many words. I was happy to be living the dream, sure that I was walking in grace and would only go higher. But I am reclaiming my time and being intentional about it.

In the Nigerian community, it is taboo to tell others of your plans, lest someone should hear it and wish against it. It is considered unwise to put things out there until after they have happened. I hear this. But here is where that doesn’t add up. I am by no means advocating to share your next move with your timeline. But by all means, share it with yourself. And your person. My home church has declared this year a year of #GreatFaith and I have received this. As I am still trying to map out my new goals, I have great faith that all will come into fruition. I am planted in this faith. I wonder then if we are cloaked in a thinly veiled fear of saying things out loud. Fear that others will scoff. (News flash: they will). Fear that we will not accomplish the things we said we would. But if this fear is rooted in others, we have already been led astray. I pray for a strength that would pin my faith against my fear. A great faith, one that is defiant in the face of naysayers and even present realities. I pray this for you, reader.